On Pizza or Something

I’ve been scrolling through Swiggy there are a lot of restaurants, but I can’t find anything to eat.

I’ve been scrolling through Netflix’s library which has over 10k titles, but I can’t find anything to watch.

I’ve been scrolling through my game library on my playstation there are 100’s games at my fingertips, just 10 years ago 15-year-old me would have gone nuts, I am living the future he dreamed of but there’s just one problem, I can’t find anything to play.

My to-do list has a lot of Items that could be done. But I don’t want to.

I’ve been looking for something to do. But I don’t want to do anything.

Maybe I should go for a walk?
should I?

Maybe I should call a friend?\ I did. It was nice, but now I am back where I was. With this feeling.

Maybe I should write.
I am writing. I’ve been writing for about 20mins now.

I knew where this would end, and probably you did too.

It could be about a person trying to find something and he decides to look everywhere but the place closest to himself. Within.

It could be about the fact that there is no “something” to be found. Outside or Within.

To be enlightened is perhaps to recognise that you already are.

It could be about filling a void inside. But it’s only a void if you perceive it to be a void.

But biologically, it’s Dopamine, it’s being released every time I scroll, the anticipation of reward, just around the corner there might be something I want to watch, play or eat! scroll more, your reward is just around the corner, Dopamine signals my brain.

This will lead to me ordering something unhealthy,

I am in the mood for a medium pizza. Bingo! I have the answer to my first question.

But. something’s off.

What’s off? I think I deserve a medium pizza once in a while.

It’s not just about the pizza.

You know you are not going to stop at pizza.
There’ll be Bing watching YouTube.
There’ll be ice cream after that.
Perhaps a tub of ice cream.

At a certain point, these things will stop giving you any joy.
But you’ll continue to do them for a little longer.
Hoping to squeeze out some last drop of joy.
After that, you’ll feel guilty, you’ll feel tired.
You’d want to sleep, hoping to put the day behind.
But the sleep won’t come easy.
You won’t get enough sleep.
Tomorrow you’ll wake up tired.
You’ll be tired all day.
Your decision-making will suffer.
Your willpower will suffer.

And perhaps you’ll be in the mood for some pizza.